Insanity
by Tia Paes
Summary: A long road, a stranger and the question of just how far they have fallen. In a world without sanity, is insanity the only option?


The Progression of Sanity or Lack of Humanity

It was such a great movie that I couldn't just stop myself from writing this. Hopefully everyone is in character. Lots of swearing ahead!

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Columbus had never been a very intimidating person. For that reason, he preferred to let people open up to him, rather then forcing them to do so.

Tallahassee was the exact opposite of him.

Within the first few days of knowing him, he had shared more personal information with the stranger then he had with his own mom. When he asked you a question, you answered it. He had worked out though, that if he stuttered and babbled on for long enough, Tallahassee would eventually tell him to, "Just shut the fuck up." It was a small victory but regardless, it was a victory.

After the Pacific Playland incident, Tallahassee had begun to be less of a dick-head. To be honest. He didn't pry as much, didn't embarrass him for the simple sake of embarrassing him and actually began to talk. The fact that the man had depth to him wasn't surprising, the fact that he was willing to talk, that was. It helped as well that Little Rock was him in girl form. He was sure that if Tallahassee and Little Rock had been the same age, they would have either ended up as either mortal enemies or best friends. With the situation as it was now, he acted more of a guardian. Columbus hesitated to say father, he hadn't ever met a father that taught his child to murder anything and everything that pisses you off. Though, to give him props, she could very well take the next Zombie Killing of the Week Award.

"What are you staring at?"

Columbus turned to look at Tallahassee, tearing his eyes from the road in front of him that he had been absentmindedly staring at, "Oh, um, nothing really. I was just, you know, staring."

The man let out a grunt and looked back to the road, turning on his high beams as they entered a patch of forestry. A thick silence filled the car and Columbus became increasingly aware of the sleeping girls in the back and the fidgeting hands of the man beside him.

"Do you want me to take over driving for a while?"

"You'd go to slow."

Columbus swallowed, "You've been driving for a while now."

"Wouldn't be able to sleep anyway."

Looking down at his lap, Columbus frowned in thought, another silence descending on them. It was clear, after twenty minutes of grimacing and mumbling to himself, that Tallahassee was bothered by something. While irritation wasn't odd for the man, he usually made a show of his anger. The fact that he hadn't mentioned it was at least a sign for concern.

After a while, he ventured to ask, "Why?"

"Bit of a fucking late reply, isn't it?"

"Well, I was... thinking."

"I thought you were meant to be the smart one us."

"Well, ah, smart people tend to think a lot."

Tallahassee bit his lit, "Patronizing little shit ."

Choosing not to reply, Columbus leant on his hand and stared out the window. Across the side of the road, great trucks were strewn, some demolished, others pristine.

"So um, why wouldn't you be able to sleep?"

Obviously annoyed that the subject had been bought up again, the man answered, "As much as I love blowing those pieces of shit to pieces, it doesn't give me the best sleeps."

Rubbing his neck, Columbus replied, "Well, I, um, heard that one of the best ways to get rid of those nig..." he stopped at the look on the mans face, "dreams is to talk them out."

"Fuck no."

"It's not like I really have anyone to tell what you say to. Other then Wichita or Little Rock. But I don't think they'd really care. And I wouldn't tell them anyway. Unless you did first..." Trailing off, he realized that Tallahassee was staring blankly at the road, indicating that he either wasn't listening or couldn't be bothered showing interest.

"I'm not real good at this kind of crap...."

A pause, "... I've had so many phobias in my life," said Columbus absentmindedly, "... it's ridiculous how many... But, lately, I've overcome nearly all of them. I think it's because I'm not trying to avoid my fears any more. I don't have the choice. Once I... confronted my problems... they didn't seem so terrible. Hard, but not terrible."

"Confronted," a snort, "more like 'fucking tried to eat me,' is more like it."

A silence descended over the car and Columbus heard Wichita turn in the back seat, her head dropping once more to her chest as she slept on.

"I keep on thinking. If I still had a living, breathing son, would I still be such a maniacal, raging, piece of shit."

Columbus looked at the man, noticing the tightening of his eyes as he said this and the way that his body shifted in the seat. He was obviously incredibly uncomfortable. He tried to answer the man as honestly as he could, "Well, I mean, if you still had your son... I don't think you would have made it this far."

Tallahassee looked at him sharply, his jaw clenching with anger and offense. Columbus continued, "I just mean, the most intimidating thing about you is that you really just don't give a crap. You're kind of fearless and if you were worried about your son, I don't think you would have had the bitterness to keep whacking them like you do. That's just what I think but it's probably wrong so you can just forget I ever said that if want..."

He could see the tension in Tallahassee's jaw release itself slightly, as if he could understand his argument.

He should have expected the mans reaction, "I do enjoy a bit of zombie hunting."

"I noticed. With me, I've never really had a hard life until now. Everybody's always been really distant from me so I don't really have a reason to take out my anger. But I think in some way, that killing zombies, is good for you."

"That is the most fucked up theory I've ever heard," Columbus winced and looked away, "But also pretty fucking accurate."

Columbus looked up and felt himself bite back that smile that was threatening to spill onto his face. It felt good to actually do something right around him, to often he acted like an idiot. He wasn't an idiot. In fact, it was the complete opposite. But I guess in 'Zombieland,' being socially retarded generally meant that you were an idiot.

"What the fuck is that..."

Looking up from his lap, he squinted at the scene ahead of him. An RV was parked next to the road, the faint flicker of light visible through the heavily blinded windows. It was a wonder that the vehicle was in perfect shape, only the occasionally scrape on its flat side showing usage. They pulled up behind it so that the high beams shone directly on it. No surprises.

Turning around, he said to the two girls, "Hey guys, wake up."

Wichita woke up first, her eyes blinking rapidly as she tried to gain her bearings, "What's wrong?"

"I don't really know. I think we're going to take a look. Just stay here with Little Rock and load some extra guns."

He heard a snort from Tellahassee, "If I remember correctly, you're still the bitch. I give the orders," Columbus glared at him and waited for him to give his own orders, "Just do what the kid said."

Getting out of the car, he headed to the front of the large car and stopped there, watching for Tellahassee to join him. Soon the larger man was casually walking to where he was fiddling with his own sleek gun. The man looked towards the RV with a curious expression and then cocked an eyebrow at him. Columbus waited for him to go first (ignoring the rolling of his eyes) and followed him cautiously. He would not neglect his rules. He's not a hero.

As they walked beside the large RV, keeping their eyes trained on the windows and the single door, they heard the distinct sound of shuffling from inside. Both of them simultaneously cocked their guns and trained it on the RV. Tellahassee looked back at him, motioning to the door. Columbus nodded.

Within a few seconds, Tallahassee had lifted one steel capped boot to the door and slammed it into the plastic frame, bending the door were the flimsy lock was and slamming it open on a crooked angle. Both immediately trained their guns on the open door and were surprised when nothing emerged quickly with rotten teeth and broken limbs.

"Keep alert, Columbus. They could be stuck or some shit."

Columbus nodded determinedly.

"Um, hello?" Called a voice from inside.

Both men looked at each other. Columbus made a move to answer but was cut off by Tallahassee, "Who's there?"

A voice answered, "Um..... Nick. Who are you?"

The older man looked back to him, "Were a couple of travelers. Care to come out?"

"Will you shoot me?"

"Only if you shoot me."

Columbus was reminded of their first meeting with Wichita and Little Rock.

"Okay, I'll come out. But don't shoot me or anything!"

"No promises pal but I sure would like to see you step out."

Both of them waited for a moment until a shadow started to emerge from the RV. The man that stepped into the light of the high beams was thin with a slight beard and glasses. He was classically handsome in the brown hair, blue eyes way. His eyes were wide and there was a shadow of a bruise on his face that made them steady their guns on him. Even the smallest sign of teeth marks would be the end for this man.

Tallahassee spoke clearly, gun still poised, "So Nick, what brings you into our merry path."

The man hesitated before answering the intimidating man. Columbus could sympathize with him, it wasn't that long ago that he had been on the receiving end of that terrifyingly confident stare. "I've been driving. Anywhere that has supplies. I don't know what to do or were to go but I'm alone."

Columbus spoke, "Have you been bitten at all?"

The man gasped, "No. Thank god."

"Yeah, thanks for all this shit big man," said Tellahassee as he lowered the gun.

The three men stood together for a while, surveying each other levelly. Columbus was sure that for the other two men, the silence was rich with tension. For him, it was just really awkward.

"So how have you lasted for so long?"

"I travel every day. I made sure that I didn't rest in any urban areas. I've been living on pretty much nothing for a while, stealing guns from houses when I can. It's tough, thought I was the only one left on the god forsaken country."

Columbus began to speak, but was interrupted by the approach of Wichita. She was squinting at them in confusion, carrying a large shotgun and a hunting knife. He could see Nick's eyes go wide, probably having not seen a woman for months or a year beside her.

Wichita regarded them cooly, "Who's this?"

"His name is Nick," said Columbus, lowering his gun.

Wichita squinted at him for a moment before lowering her gun as well. He felt like punching someone at the look he gave her, examining her from top to bottom. He could see her smile slightly at the attention. Sure, Nick was attractive in his late 20's, had a great body and seemed nice. But he could bet that he couldn't play Wow for 12 hours straight or chug an entire bottle of zone red. And were was his list of rules? Damn rookie if you asked him.

Nick shuffled impatiently, "so where are you guys going?"

"Not sure."

"Me neither."

"We should travel together," said Wichita.

"Oh come the fuck on! I'm not going to take on another cock-sucker. If you want to risk your life with him then by all means, join his troupe."

Wichita looked at him in anger, "We're traveling with him."

"For fuck's sake. If I have to do one thing because of him, you're all on your own."

Columbus looked up at him in shock, "You wouldn't just leave us would you?"

Tellahassee responded angrily, "Not you shit for brains. The chicks."

"Oh. Thanks I guess."

"Fuck off."

With that, Tallahassee shouldered his gun again and stalked off to the waiting car. Nick bit his lip, obviously incredibly uncomfortable with the attention that he was receiving. Columbus decided to head back to the car as well, deciding that whatever plans wanted to be made by Wichita would be made by Wichita. He really just couldn't be bothered.

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Hope you liked it so far. It's should get fun next chapter :D

Please review :D


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